Am I an author or authoress?

Okay, so now I'm confused ... Am I an author or an authoress? Let me explain my quandary. Patrick, the boys, and I were talking at the dinner table last night. One of the boys mentioned a particular actress, and Patrick remarked that using the term "actress" could be deemed sexist and that most modern-day actresses prefer to be called actors. The conversation then led to airline stewardesses and how they're now called flight attendants, regardless of their gender. I sat there for a minute and then said, "Well, am I a writer or a writeress?" That didn't sound right, so I experimented:  Author or authoress? The term "authoress" sounded vaguely familiar, so I looked it up. Sure enough, the term originated in the 15th century, and it is now considered "old fashioned" to call a female author an authoress. Some female authors consider the term to be insulting. I got a chuckle out of this. It wouldn't bother me if someone called me an authoress. I'm just grateful that my works are published, and that I'm able to do something that I love, be it called author ... authoress ... whatever, you get the picture. "Authoress" sounds much more sophisticated than "female author."  When I hear the word authoress, I picture sweeping romances on an English countryside with a dashing duke and a penniless nanny (very Jane Austinish).  I love all things romantic!

It's no secret that we live in a politically correct society, and I wonder if we females haven't lost something in our fiendish quest to have equal rights with the opposite sex. Where I come from, it's a privilege to be a lady. Patrick has always taught our boys to hold open doors for women and to be respectful of the opposite sex, in all circumstances. I'm astounded at the way some women react when my boys open doors for them. Many of them will walk right in, without taking a second to say "thank you." One woman glared at my son, and rather than going through the door he was holding open, she opened the door adjacent to him and entered the building through it instead. What is the world coming to???

Patrick and I have been married for almost twenty-three years, and he will not let me get out of the car without opening the door for me. I LOVE THAT MAN!! How could a woman not love a man like that? In that one gesture, he continues to win my heart over and over again. Halleluiah that there are still men in the world that will open doors for women, and thank heavens there are still women that will let them.

Signed by,

Jennifer Youngblood
Authoress Extraordinaire

I could see myself, as an authoress, leaning against this tree and writing my next sweeping novel.

After my novel becomes an acclaimed, international bestseller, I will buy an English cottage like this, and people can call me an "authoress" as often as they please.

Then again, considering my upbringing, maybe this is more appropriate.