Why I reserve judgment
It’s that moment we all hate—the moment when we realize that
we haven’t been just looking through the glass darkly but rather we haven’t
been seeing anything at all. Our own perception has completely clouded our judgment,
and what we thought was reality was a distorted concoction of our own
imagination. It is only when the curtain is drawn back that we see—we clearly
see the reality unfolding around us.
It’s
always humbling when this happens, I find myself asking: How did I judge so wrongly? How did I so
grossly misinterpret the situation?
A
few years ago, I got served a healthy helping of humble pie—one of which I’m
not likely to forget. Patrick and I, along with our two sons, were living in
Hawaii. We were attending Brigham Young University where we lived in a student
apartment. Both Patrick and I had been in the workforce for many years with
successful careers when we decided that our lives needed a course correction.
We needed to take time out to finish our degrees—something we started when we
first got married but had never completed.
We sold our beautiful home in
Tennessee and most of our belongings, and we closed our thriving design
business. Essentially, we gave up all of our material possessions and boarded a
plane with our two boys and a few pieces of luggage.
Living in student housing was a
large adjustment for our family. Central heat and air is a rarity in Hawaii
that is reserved for the affluent. Everything is an open-air environment. The
apartments where we lived were two stories tall, and we lived on the bottom
floor. Not only could we hear our neighbors, but we could also hear bits of conversation.
Whenever I cooked or baked, I would have people pausing at the kitchen window.
“That smells great,” a friend of ours would say, “what’s for dinner?”
At
first, we felt overwhelmed at the close proximity of our neighbors, but we soon
adapted and began to make friends. Before long, life in student housing felt
normal. That all changed when a family with two small children moved into the
apartment directly above. From the time this family moved in, we heard pounding
on the ceiling. Not just random pounding but constant pounding like cattle was
being herded. We about went out of
our minds. The constant racket was unnerving. This went on for several weeks,
and we would often look up at the ceiling with gritted teeth. There were times
when I was tempted to march up the steps and demand that they stop the
pounding. Patrick would get so frustrated that he would take the tip of the
broom handle and hit it on the ceiling, so that they would get the hint to
STOP! One evening, we had guests for dinner, and the pounding became so loud
that at one point, the guest looked up at the ceiling and began muttering under
her breath.
As
luck would have it, I received a church assignment to start visiting this young
mother on a monthly basis to attend to her needs. I was not happy about this
assignment, but I accepted it nonetheless. I figured that getting to know her
would at least give me the opportunity to express my frustration in a polite
way. I’ll never forget what happened that first time I went to visit her.
She
was from China and spoke very little English. She invited me into her apartment,
and I was shocked at how sparse the furnishings were. The only furniture the
young family had were the standard issue pieces that were provided by the
university. The mother introduced me to her two young children—a boy eight
years old and a girl who was four. I learned that the woman was three months
pregnant and very sick. In her halting English, she explained that she was so
nauseated that it was hard for her to take care of her two children. Her
husband, a full-time student, would help her get the kids ready in the morning
and then feed them breakfast, and then he would have to leave for a full day of
classes.
“We
cannot afford a TV,” the woman explained, “and I’m too sick to play with the
children.” With tears in her eyes, she told me that they would stand at the
window every morning, their faces pressed to the glass, watching their father
leave. “And two hours before it’s time for him to come home, they’ll go back to
the glass and watch for him.”
The
woman went on to say that because they could not afford to buy toys, she and
her husband fashioned a sword for their son out of cardboard and aluminum foil.
Having no other form of entertainment, he would stomp back and forth across the
floor, in a crouched position, playing with that sword. “He does this all day
long,” she said, “because it’s the only thing he has to do.”
It
was an ah-ha moment for me! Now I
knew the source of the terrible racket. I wanted to crawl under the carpet and
bury my head in shame. The woman may have apologized for the loud noise, but I
really can’t remember. I do remember running home and scouring our apartment to
find toys that I could take to the family. Also, I gathered some snacks for
them. My conscience was pricked and my heart softened, and I saw the family
differently from that point on. I was so grateful that I hadn’t followed my
impulse and charged up the steps to complain.
The
noise continued, but we didn’t find it nearly as annoying as we once did, for I
had learned a valuable lesson. I had wrongfully judged my neighbors. Once I
knew their situation, I was completely changed. For the first time, I saw
through the glass clearly. I got to know my neighbors, and what a difference
that made!
False
Identity, the Christmas novel that Mom and I recently finished is about casting
judgment. When Chancy Hamilton and her son, Travis, have an argument, he storms
out of the house and finds himself in the wrong part of town. A group of thugs
attack him, and he is saved by a homeless man. On a whim, Travis invites the
man home to have a meal with his family. That’s when the trouble begins. Chancy
must decide if she’ll trust her heart or lean more on the conventional wisdom
of society. False Identity is not only a spine-tingling thriller, but it also contains
a powerful message of hope and redemption that embodies the Christmas Spirit.
Get your copy here for only $3.99
